Thursday, 30 December 2010

Personal Tiger

An unwelcome visitor has reared its head for the first time in ages.  Persistent feelings of anxiety are back, and for me, it manifests itself in a very physical way.   I liken it to being endlessly stalked by my own personal tiger and he's not quite as pretty as Rousseau's magnificent beast depicted here.  Okay, an adrenaline rush might be a novel and pleasurable experience when it arises from  thrill seeking but it's no great shakes when for its around for days on end.  Perhaps it's why I'm not personally drawn to bungee jumping or a rollercoaster riding,   My fight or flight mechanism has got enough going on without participating in extreme sports!

Now I've got pretty good at analysing my own thinking and gauging whether anything specific is bothering me.  But there is nothing specific that I'm excessively fretting about at the moment.  Yes, work is a little more stressful than usual, my sleep is not great, a few family worries and a big holiday coming up but nothing dominates my thoughts.  More likely it's a bit of everything that's causing this heightened and uncomfortable state of alertness.

There are some practical things I'm doing to get back on track,  sorting out solvable problems rather than burying my head in the sand, 'fessing up to my manager that my concentration and hence productivity is less than optimum whilst I'm in this state and taking positive steps to relax and recharge the batteries.  My lovely Yoga Nidra CDs have been dusted off to facilitate this.  But, there are some things that I can't change and again acceptance has been a valuable concept to me.  Observing my anxiety for what it is at the present time and recognising that it is transients seems to facilitate the process of change and allows me to function at a level where I surprise myself.

1 comment:

  1. I feel the same way a bit too. I can't say it's like a tiger stalking but there is always something there. I think your description is very good.Mine is linked to too much work and not being organised to deal with it properly and because it is our business there is never any down time. I have worked all through the holidays except Christmas day. Not all day but for an hour then something else then back to it. there never seems to be any time away.
    Sorry moan over
    Good luck with your challenges