Friday, 8 April 2011

Lovelygrey's Guide to Successful Bad Parenting: Volume Three - Sneakiness

This is Louis.  Butter wouldn't melt ....yeah?  But under that angelic face he can sometimes be a bit of a handful.  After all, he's a normal exuberant eight year old boy.

There have been a few minor hiccups at school recently which are hopefully in the process of being ironed out.  As an only child Louis isn't exposed to the devilment of siblings and finds it hard to deal with other kids being verbally mean to him.  Because of this he's been caught metering  out physical retribution whilst his tormentors get away scot free.  'Good for him' some might say. 'He's standing up for himself'.  Well, I'm sitting on the fence here, completely undecided.  One of the reasons is that he's REALLY bad at being bad,  lacking the ability to be devious.  As such the odds of getting away with being naughty are stacked against him. 

Recently I've felt, on a number of occasions, that it would be useful, as a bad parent, to highlight this major skill deficit so he can take steps to address it.   Take for example the time recently, when he'd 'stolen' sweets from his tin and was  trying not to be discovered eating them in the car. Tell tale rustling and chomping noises were a huge giveaway.  Forbidden visits to my toolbox would go unnoticed were it not for the fact that he'll leave the contents all over the floor.  And the need to share yesterday's most woefully pitiful attempt ever to cover his tracks has overwhelmed me

Louis had been sent for his pre bedtime shower but after ten minutes I noticed that the sounds of activity were absent and was not surprised to find him in the bathroom still dressed in school uniform.  'It's okay Mummy, it's because I've been having a poo' he said, pointing in evidence to the, as yet, unflushed toilet.  Noticing the lack of 'solid matter' I pointed out, quite reasonably, that I felt that he was lying to me.  However, he was adamant in his protestations, totalling forgetting that for his attempts to cover his track to be plausible, they need to follow the rules of science.  'I have flushed the toilet Mummy', he explained 'But the water only got rid of the poo and left the wee behind!'

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