Thursday, 18 August 2011

Doing a Thoreau

This is Walden where Henry Thoreau, the 19th American author built a hut in the woods when he wanted to retreat from the world and write. Not having read any of his work, I thought that he'd lived for four and a half years self sufficiently and in almost total isolation. However, I note from Wikipedia that his family home was just a stone's through away so I bet he popped back to his Mum with his dirty washing and forced himself to stay for  lunch if she was cooking a roast and apple pie.  Or perhaps she called round with a cake every so often?

People think that my mixture of personality traits is most peculiar.   I'm exceptionally gregarious and many view me as a noisy bugger but I do love my own company and silence to a larger degree than almost anyone else that I know.  I could happily go for days without seeing a soul.   And at the moment I feel like doing that.  Camping out for a few weeks in wilderness with just the basics could be just what I need to get over this period of depression.   Of course, like Walden, I'd let my loved ones visit if they brought luxuries - emergency chocolate, nice soap and freshly laundered knickers.  It would be nice if there was an ice cream van within easy walking distance too   However, this idea is a no goer.  Owing to the commitment that having a family brings,  I'm just going to have to work out how to get better in my own surroundings at Lovelygrey Villas.

The problem with home and all that is contained within, both people and possessions, is that they come with loads of responsibility.  And the complex juggling acts that's required to ensure everything goes smoothly and everyone remains content  is beyond my ability at the moment.  Normally, I'd whizz round and clean upstairs in an hour or two.  But at the moment I have to spread the task out over a couple of days.  Now if I were in that tent everything would be pucker and shipshape in no time. And then I'd have plenty of time to devote to being the life and soul of the party rather than flagging out in a grumpy heap rather too often.

But although I'd love to escape, I've conceded that spending time with my family is  probably the best place to recover from this intensely annoying and debilitating spell of illness.  So, I've compromised on my reclusive plans.  I'm going ahead with our planned summer trip to Brittany in the motorhome.  And then once I've rested,   I've got to be able to cope once again in my familiar home environment and get back to doing the normal everyday activities that should  be fairly effortless.  Then it will be time to figure out how that return to work, which still seems a step too far, fits in too.




2 comments:

  1. Hang on in there Julie, we're all rooting for you. It's not long till Ivy Live and how about a craft day on the 24th September? Love from Melanie

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  2. Your words strike a chord with me, especially the 'responsibility for other people', bit. I realised quite early on that I could never be responsible for someone elses well being and happiness. Sounds a bit selfish, but the idea that another human being might depend on me for everything, scared the living daylights out of me. Hence the reason I never had children.

    It's a good job not everyone feels like me though, or evolution would come to a grinding halt.

    All I can say is that the position you are in will not last forever. When I read your blog I see a devoted mum doing a fantastic job of looking after her family, you will get your rewards later. For the moment seek out those little pockets of tranquility in quiet places, this will keep you going. Think of it as a pathway through the woods, where only a glimmer of sunlight penetrates the trees. Eventually you will reach a clearing and the blue skies will be revealed. It will come. Best wishes.

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