Thursday, 4 August 2011

Slow, Slow, Quick.. Oh No, Slow!

Thankfully, I'm quite a perky for a person with depression who's a little more optimistic that the doom laden stereotypes would have you believe. All those cognitive behavioural and occupational therapy courses that I've done to help others must have rubbed off and I've got quite strong buffers in place that seem to be protecting me from some of the unpleasant emotional symptoms that can be part and parcel of this experience. Sure, I'm a bit low at times and have had a good cry more than usual.  However, unlike when my mood has dipped in the past, I do not believe that I'm personally responsible for all the ills in the world, including would you believe it, 9-11. I'm hopeful for my future and in the meantime I'm recognising that, within my much reduced daily activity schedules, there are some real achievements. They're normally just a tad smaller than usual!

What I've learnt from this current bout of illness is the true meaning of some of the terms psychiatrists use to explain what happens when a person gets depressed. Yes sir! I now appreciate how debilitating 'diurnal variation' can be.  This is the term that describes how mood is worse in the morning and gets better during the day. It's a good reason not to get out of bed in the morning but I'm fighting that impulse. I even made Mr Lovelygrey his 6:45am cuppa yesterday in an attempt to beat it off.   And I counted that seemingly insignifiicant task as one of my sucesses.

Then, there's psychomotor retardation.  It's an interesting term which is the biggie for me and describes a slowing down of thought and physical processes that are associated with this illness.  It's made the things that I normally do without thinking really challenging on lots of levels, including blog writing which takes so much longer these days.  And its effect on my driving was one of the major reasons why I've had to stop work.   The cognitive acuity needed for long-ish journeys between visits on our winding minor roads in Devon is beyond what I'm capable of at the moment.

Anyway, here I'm showing off one of my successes.   Nana Lovelygrey gave me a stash of old jewellery when we last visited and these lovely vintage glass beads were amongst the collection.  They were in a sorry state though and half a century's gunk removed. Then after rethreading, I've given them a treat and used sterling silver findings and a handmade clasp to set them off properly.  Normal time to complete the project?  Less than an hour.   At the moment, nearly a day.   But I'm really very pleased with how my snail's pace makeover turned out!


  1. The necklace looks lovely, and well worth the effort.

  2. You should be pleased with yourself, you've made an excellent job of the necklace. I like the clasp particularly. I hope that you continue to make improvements in your life, however slowly, then get back to full health.