Thursday, 20 June 2013

The Neurons Are Still Revolting

Those blooming head zaps are still in attendance nearly a fortnight after I stopped taking citalopram, my own preferred brand of happy pill.  They're not so bad that I need to take to my sick bed again.  However they still vary in  intensity  ranging  from mildly annoying to debilitating enough for me to need a bit of a sit down.  Climbing stairs and rushing about seem to bring them on so it's a good excuse not to do too much of that nasty exercise stuff for the time being.  My sleep pattern is also way out of kilter from its norm.  I've turned into Margaret Thatcher and am surviving on about four hours worth with a little nap if there's time.  Could I be her new reincarnation sent to dig Britain out of the quagmire those men in Savoy Row suits have got us into?

The good thing is my mood hasn't dipped.  There's joy to be found in what I see and do; The paranoia that is part of my own depressive pattern has not crept back; My concentration is not shot to pieces.  What I will admit is that I'm more irritable with Louis at the moment but that's because he can be an intensely annoying ten year old rather this being a reflection of my mental state.  I've checked this out with other mums who concur with me.  How do you get children to stop shouting at you from the other end of the house or tidy up after themselves without near constant nagging?  It's an utter mystery.

I could go back to my GP and tell her that the symptoms of SSRI withdrawal syndrome are still persisting.  In all likelihood that would mean reinstating anti-depressants. As I don't want to do that, I've taken a far more philosophical approach instead.   According to mindfulness theory and, more importantly  the unfeasibly young looking  1980's pop star,Paul Young, 'Everything Must Change'!  This operates on both micro and macro levels.  On a daily basis what goes on in my head varies.  It's not always as if there's a wasp in a jar up there.  I'm noticing that there are periods where there is a neurological calm.  And in the longer term, the literature suggests,that these transitional shocks will go away altogether.  It's good to realise that and in the meantime it's just a question of watching and waiting 

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