Tuesday, 3 September 2013

The Mermaid With The Round Boobies

Until this week I didn't realise that cosmetic surgery was given the hard sell in some parts of the UK.  Perhaps we're shielded in the slower and more easy-going South West of the country where even a sausage on a stick is considered to be exotic.  I have to say that nowadays it has to be from locally bred piggies and contain some kind of fruit.  Apricot perhaps.

Anyway, let's get back on track shall we?  One of the mums that I've met on our campsite took up a Groupon offer to have her teeth whitened for a bargain basement price.  After the procedure, which no doubt involves the application of Dulux Brilliant White Gloss, an 'aesthetic consultant' barged into the room and offered an assessment that she didn't really have time to refuse.   The plastic surgeon, for that is what he  really was, whipped out a camera, took shots of her face and then proceeded to tell her what he thought was wrong - eyes too small, lips too thin, chin too pointy!  What would he make of me? Bags under the eyes, big nose, slightly slack chin, no doubt.  He'd tell me nothing that I'm not already aware of and I'd reply in true Miranda style that he was being rude!

No doubt this lovely mermaid's physique would not be curvaceous enough, her boobies would be too small and she'd be offered a trout pout to 'enhance' her face that's as blank as a canvas.  To me she's glorious.  Normally I'd extol the virtues, creative not physical, of the artist concerned but I didn't take a picture of the name tag when I spotted her at the Contemporary Craft Festival back in June.  All I know was that she was made by a student at South Devon College.  May her creator go far in their  career!  This lithe mer-creature is  now the inspiration for my latest linocut.  As I thought the motorhome is providing a perfectly tranquil  base to pursue my own diverse crafts.


  1. A few years ago, we went to a dentist for a regular checkup and his first question wasn't about the health of our teeth but whether or not we were "happy with our smiles" in a bid to sell us teeth whitening, veneers and possibly botox which he also offered for some reason. We lived (and he was based in) a very poor inner city area - but luckily for our poorer neighbours, he offered credit. Hideous.

    We couldn't find another NHS dentist though so basically just gave up having a dentist for a while because it was such a horrible experience.

    (We've got a lovely new dentist now though!)

  2. We are going down the USA route of cosmetic dentistry.....I see so many rich Brit teenagers now wearing braces and having teeth whitened for perfectly normal teeth.