Wednesday, 26 February 2014


Believe it or not this is a point where I'm going to harp on about those Four Agreements again as I see that my book review will fall off the end of my blog today. You've got to admit it. There's not many places on the Internet that mix allusions to Anglo-Saxon expletives  and abject silliness with deep inner truth.  You've come to the right place though, if that is what you seek.

A way of being impeccable with the word, the first of those four agreements is the subject for this post.  Sadly for the grammar Nazis  out there, it isn't really about sentence structure but is a small demonstration of the way that our use of language can have a powerful and lasting effect on ourselves and the others around us. This isn't a comprehensive discussion. Blimey, I knock up these posts in a few minutes, normally with the first morning cuppa so you're not going to get a seminal work.

Firstly let's consider the title.  It's a term that I've used myself about others.  It may shock you that I'm not as pure as the driven snow but get over it!  My inner fish wife has been particularly prone to such utterances when say, driving.  Take for example, a situation when someone has cut me up. Boom! the event happens and the person is instantly labelled for evermore!  Or are they?

There's a bloke who I encountered in Minehead one day who probably still thinks that I am a merchant banker.  I pulled out on him in the shitehawk Fiesta about a year ago.  Even mouthing sorry and then shouting it out of the window several times didn't appease him.  He went a funny shade of purple, just like a Ribena Berry, then chased me off the industrial estate in his lorry mouthing expletives.  I never got the opportunity to offer him some free sessions in anger management to make up for my erring human-ness.

People, and include yourself in the equation, cannot and should not be comprehensively categorised as a personality type.  They exhibit different characteristics, some good and others less so in the wide and varied scenarios that make up their lives.  I've found adapting the way that I inwardly think or speak to accommodate this is really powerful.   This modus operandus is especially applicable to our dealings with kids because they can be particularly susceptible to how we speak to them and damaged by the labels that we give them.

We all exhibit a range of personnas across our life span. Sometimes I don't do what I'd planned on a given day.  I might be 'being lazy' but I am not 'lazy' per se.   My son might do something monumentally idiotic, like using my fountain pen nib to try and crack a nut, but that does not mean that I have any right to call him 'stupid'. He will get a piece of mind though  and be told that what he has done is completely nonsensical.  Do you see the difference? And if someone wrongs you intentionally or otherwise, that does not mean that they can be pronounced 100% completely evil or bad. Even those who strive to be as good as they can be most of the time cock it up nicely on occasions.   Be clear that you haven't like what has happened.  Couch what you say though with references to actions rather than globally bad mouthing another person...or yourself, if you are indeed, the 'evil perpetrator' on this occasion!

1 comment: