Monday, 3 March 2014

Dodgy Tights and Relationship Advice

These are Snobby Friends legs. You may recall that she has expensive shopping habits and cannot tell a Lidl cheese straw from a way pricier variety.  Mr Metrosexual and I have been telling her that those tights are rather risque and the point was proved when a man at her mindfulness class told her that she had made his day by wearing them! Just to show that her newly discovered brazenness knows no bounds she readily agreed to model  for a blog post.

Now Snobby Friend has one of those enviable relationships where she's been married for years to someone that she still regards as her best friend.  As such she's probably more qualified than most to dole out relationship advice. She appears to have hit a particular nail on the head.  'The problem with you,' she told me the other day,  'is it's all out there on display'. 

I hasten to add that she's not talking about the way that I dress. Goodness me no!  Everything remains all tucked under material.  Okay there may be the tinsiest bit of cleavage for a special occasion but that's as far as it goes. And even though my skirts are a little on the short side, I think I compensate adequately  with woolly tights and thick leggings rather than those lacy, racy numbers that she herself favours.

The very person who planted the idea that there might be someone out there for me, was actually talking about my  rather unorthodox dating style. 'The Rules' based it ain't . I shun game playing and am honest even when it's uncomfortable.   Hell, in my work, I don't even tell white lies to people with dementia. Half the truth maybe to save  distress but never even a tiny weeny porkie. In the last couple of years I've adopted more of a 'what you see is what you get and tell it as it is' philosophy to the whole of my life. When I like something I say so but equally I will tell people pretty quickly when I'm unhappy too. To my genuine surprise men don't find this refreshing.  It just appears to have them running scared. 

Snobby Friend thinks she knows the reason for this. She didn't mince her words  but, bless! What she said was kind and touching too. 'We all know that you're normal and just nicely mad.  But  you portray yourself as the Wild Woman of Borneo.  Blokes are used to finding out later on that the women that they date have issues. They don't know that, with you, there's nothing else underneath and imagine a raging psychopath lurking just under the surface.  Can't you tone it down a bit and  accentuate the lovely, kind person that we all know you to be?'  

Hmm.  That's a tricky one because it's a change that I don't think that I can pull off in a flash.  So until I have knitted myself a shroud of mystery I've come off the Internet dating site to avoid causing any further alarm.     Seeing that I never learnt to wield a pair of number 9 needles and not allowing myself to introduce any new crafting activities into my life, I could be gone for some time. Let's get that knee working again at the very least before I get back to my bull in a china shop approach.

I thought that the dating experiment would have given me material to write about.  The encounters though, even those of the briefest kind and others that have been stranger than I could have possibly imagined, have all seemed too personal to share and unfair on the other people involved.   What it has shown me is that I would rather be on my own than settle with lurching from one unsatisfactory relationship to another.  I'd like to try and get it right next time but how do I achieve this?  I'm not at all sure.

Mr Metrosexual, my gay alter ego, has a different standpoint to Snobby Friend.  His advice seems a tad easier to put in practice and what do you know.  It's pretty similar to what I've been thinking myself.  'Just be yourself, gorgeous' he told me. 'You haven't got a cat in hell's chance of keeping all that zaniness under wraps for any time at all.  One day, someone, somewhere is going to love you for it.' 


  1. He is right, you know. I was not expecting to find another partner after my marriage failed but one day, I found my soul-mate and we have been together for twenty years now. (Living in different roads has its advantages.)

  2. I loved this post and Mr Metrosexual is very right. I'm not exactly what you'd call conventional and have squeezed myself into 'normal' for many a person. However the time I gave up trying was the time I happened to meet someone who just loves the feet off me for just who I am. Sometimes we even go out in public together :D he's a good un.

    Embrace zaniness - far more exciting than 'normal'.

  3. Your work is totally enthusiastic and informative.

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