Thursday, 14 May 2015

Unhappy Bunny

I was sad yesterday evening for no identifiable reason.  Unusually I felt lonely as well. That's rare as, for a sociable beastie, I relish my solitude more than most.

Maybe my burst of unhappiness was because I haven't got my son with me for nine nights in a row.  Louis' staying with this dad for longer than usual because I'm on a course next week. In the master plan that I designed for myself in earlier life this was not how it was meant to be. Nowhere in the scheme of things was the idea mentioned that I would be parted from my son regularly during his childhood.   There was a happy ever after marriage clause that should have prevented this from happening. But it was not to be.

Mark Twain said that anger was an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.  Perhaps that's same for sadness too. It seems to make sense that it's better out than in.   I cried a tear or two and it seemed to help.

Normally I value this lifestyle of two halves.  It affords lots of opportunities that I wouldn't have if I were a full-time mum with the brood of kids I imagined of old.  I have me-time aplenty. It's good to remember too how Louis summed up our situation the other day. He's a wise little person and it's evident that he's perfectly content.  The motorhome experiment has gone better than I could have possibly imagined.  'Do you know, Mum?' he said during a snuggle the other day.  'If you weren't single and I wasn't an only child, I don't think we'd be able to live like this.' Even though I'm doing absolutely nothing about it I still harbour those fantasies about meeting someone to grow old with. However I reckon my son has a point.  At this moment in time, things are how they should be.

10 comments:

  1. This all sounds rather sad, and yet I imagine it's a much more common scenario than we imagine. As for the growing old bit, I couldn't imagine doing that alone.

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  2. It isn't what you imagined and yet/ and so I admire how most of the time you are entirely cheerful about it.

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  3. Hope you feel more upbeat soon and there are snuggles aplenty to be had with Louis when he returns to you. xx

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  4. The light will return again...I saw a poster recently that said "Sometimes it's ok if the only thing you did today is breathe". Sit tight and take care until it passes. Aril [Sxx]

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  5. I wonder how many of us got what we imagined. Hope you are feeling better. Your son sounds a delight, and he looks very cute too!

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  6. Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you lots since reading your post this morning. I'm struggling to get down in words what I really want to say( probably because half the time I can't think of the right word these days), so I'll just say this: you are a delight, and a great Mum and Louis is a credit to you.

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  7. Still not at full perkiness this morning but this will pass. There is much good over the rainbow. Many mums and dads are in the same position as me. I reckon lots of us get these moments. Thanks for all kind wishes. x

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  8. I'm in the same boat as you so know exactly how you feel. Although this was never what you planned and this makes you sad at times you are able to see the positives too. Life doesn't often go the way we plan so we have to make the best of what comes our way and it sounds like you're both doing this.

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  9. Thank for your honest and authentic post. I hope as you said, letting it out of the vessel, does some good. We all owe ourselves the opportunity to mourn, whether for people, places, or life changes. What a special guy you have raised and it sounds like he misses you as much when you are apart. Bravo to you for being able to coparent with his dad so positivley despite the change in course your life has taken. Many married couples do not coparent well-I know I have my challenges in that area.

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    1. Thank for kind words. The good thing is that Louis doesn't really miss me too much. When he's with his dad he's perfectly content. Our usual fortnightly pattern of 5:5:2:2 nights means that he has an extended time with each of us and isn't passed from pillar to post too often. His dad is one of the parents out there for whom extended absences are this is hard as well. We're away for half term so he'll shortly take a turn of being nine nights without his son as well. Then there's a longer three week spell in the summer when Lou and I go to the US and Canada. I'm sure Mum and Dad together is best when they have an OK relationship. But ours wasn't and couldn't be fixed. Even though we still don't see eye to eye with one another I think we've got the co-parenting thing right. There's flexibility within the arrangement so that Louis can join either of us in doing things that are important but might not necessarily fit into a rigid 'access' timetable. Hope your own challenges smooth out in time.

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