Maybe my burst of unhappiness was because I haven't got my son with me for nine nights in a row. Louis' staying with this dad for longer than usual because I'm on a course next week. In the master plan that I designed for myself in earlier life this was not how it was meant to be. Nowhere in the scheme of things was the idea mentioned that I would be parted from my son regularly during his childhood. There was a happy ever after marriage clause that should have prevented this from happening. But it was not to be.
Mark Twain said that anger was an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Perhaps that's same for sadness too. It seems to make sense that it's better out than in. I cried a tear or two and it seemed to help.
Normally I value this lifestyle of two halves. It affords lots of opportunities that I wouldn't have if I were a full-time mum with the brood of kids I imagined of old. I have me-time aplenty. It's good to remember too how Louis summed up our situation the other day. He's a wise little person and it's evident that he's perfectly content. The motorhome experiment has gone better than I could have possibly imagined. 'Do you know, Mum?' he said during a snuggle the other day. 'If you weren't single and I wasn't an only child, I don't think we'd be able to live like this.' Even though I'm doing absolutely nothing about it I still harbour those fantasies about meeting someone to grow old with. However I reckon my son has a point. At this moment in time, things are how they should be.