I am blessed as I receive lots of love and attention from those around me, my family, friends and of course my gorgeous son. We have chosen each other well. In spite of this, waves of loneliness have been hitting quite hard recently They come and go and will probably pass. These sad feelings are triggered by different things. The couples who've been happily married for yonks and who're now riding with the adversity of dementia together bring it on. And then there's the two magpies that inhabit the campsite......I might make a linocut to immortalise them once I've finished the hares. Sometimes it would be wonderful to get home and find someone making my supper. Not some random stranger. That would be a bit weird. But it would be good to have someone around who shares our own little secrets as well as food. It feels like I also have so much to give but I have to keep the goodies in a big sack that's fit to burst. Why do I tell you all this? Well, you all need to know that it's okay for a happy sorted person to experience negative emotions some of the time. In fact I wouldn't be right in the head if it were not so.
At the moment I'm alone but not lonely. My solitary trip to France last year was a learning experience. It taught me that sometimes it is good to distance myself from civilisation. I've done so this time to finish my latest essay. Five whole days on my tod.
My isolation is not total I hasten to add. I'm still making phone calls, answering emails and popping to the shop for milk and snacks. What if someone turned up and dragged me down the pub for the proverbial pie and pint? Well I'm a sociable beastie really and it would be rude not to go!
The important thing is that I've made no plans to see anyone. What it means is that I can set the pace of my life for a few days without having to work to anyone else's agenda. Doing what I want when I want. I study, meditate, potter, eat, exercise, sleep .......all at my own pace throughout a 24 hour period. I can turn time upside down if I like. There's no-one else to look after but myself. For someone that craves flexibility it's incredibly restorative. And I'm so fortunate to be able to do this. Not everyone has the luxury of breathing space.