Wednesday, 8 July 2015

Hot, Hot, Way Too Freaking Hot!

When it comes to spicy food I am a bit of a woose.  Okay I'm not at the extreme end of Walter Softiness.  I'll go hotter than a korma or passanda if I eat at a curry house, but after a few mouthfuls a madras will have me screaming like a girl.  Hang on a minute I am a girl!  Now the heat of chillies is measured in Scovilles and depends on the amount of capsinoid concentration. The warmness of my favourite spice, paprika, measures no more than about 500 units.  The hottest chillies in the world come in above the two million mark.

Once upon a time, about five years ago, until the plant breeders got silly, the ghost chilli topped the chart at over million Scovilles.  I was alerted to its heat by a phone call from the school bus. Someone's little darling had stuck a bit of ghost chilli chocolate up my own little darling's nose. Needless to say it hurt.

I arrived home and a gift was awaiting me, a small chunk of the offending article, no bigger than about half square of Dairy Milk.  Parents had been set the ghost chilli challenge!  I like a bit of competition and popped the stuff in my mouth.  Louis videoed me. It wasn't too bad at first but then the heat grew and grew.  Even so I maintained a reasonably dignified facial expression.  Not decorous enough to share with the whole world though! After I'd swallowed the last little nugget the pain set in.  I haven't been in that much discomfort since being under the surgeons knife last year.  I rolled around in a pathetic heap, scuppered by my own stupidity.  Why,why, why?!!! 'It'll last ten minutes' Lou told me in a matter of fact way. He then added something that I didn't really want to hear. 'And then you'll get more pain when it comes out the other end!'  I'll spare the details of the state of my poor alimentary canal.  However if there ever was a case for applying the warning of 'Don't try this at home', this is it!


  1. I have learnt the hard way to use the facilities and wash my hands before chopping chillies not after and nor is it a good idea to wipe your eye...eek!

  2. I see no pleasure in extreme chilli heat. Bravado in chilli eating competitions is just plain stupid. Better to go for milder ones; as you can always add, but never subtract. The hottest one I grow is called 'Impala'; which I would say was just a tad hotter than medium.

  3. I am happy to have no chillies in my life.