Friday, 30 October 2015

Nutscaping for Girls

Photo:  Nutscapes
No-one can accuse me of not giving my readers variety.  If I'd have stuck to one subject I would have made a mint from blogging by now.  That's what I like to think anyway.  But instead one day you'll get a bit of madcap cookery, the next, some deep spirituality and that could be followed by my holiday snaps or a bit of art or navel gazing. Who knows what the next post will bring?


Photo:  Nutscapes
The latest  treat from Randomville is an extra special first.  Today I give you a photography lesson!  Gentlemen, have you ever taken a shot of a beautiful scene but thought that it lacked a certain je ne sais quoi?  Well I can tell you just what was missing. The enhancement you were seeking was a close up of your balls at the top of the frame.  You know it makes sense. Ansel Adams would be kicking himself if he was alive now.

Nutscapes gives clear instructions on just how to achieve this stunning effect.  It involves wearing loose trousers and then dropping them just at the point where you feel moved to take a photo through your legs.  There's some fine examples of the genre on the website.  I particularly like the ones where the gonads seem to glow.  Why hide away the family jewels when you can create such beautiful images for posterity?

By now, I reckon some of the girls out there might be feeling a bit miffed about being left out.  After all we don't have testibobbles to dangle in front of lenses whenever we come across 'an awesome scene'.  Never fear!  After much thought during the car drives between my visits to heal the sick,  I have come up with a perfectly acceptable substitute.  It doesn't need you to don an unsightly pair of jogging bottoms, stand with legs akimbo or bend over to take the shot.  You'll do nothing to offend the style police with my methods.

Here's the result of my experiment in Brixham today.   I'm sure you'll agree that the harbourside scene is enhanced with what looks like a perfectly adequate bollock.  One that is far much more symmetrical than the poor geezer's in the sunset scene above.    Let me reassure you that no male private parts were bared whilst this picture was taken.   What's more I was  wearing a rather pretty skirt, my apple catchers remained firmly pulled up and  I was standing perfectly upright.

Here's the secret.   I  didn't really fancy explaining what I was doing to passers-by.  People can be so ignorant when it comes to making profound art.  So after making sure that no-one was around I whipped out ......... a Scotch egg that had been lurking in the back of the fridge.  I'm sure you'll agree that, in spite of its lack of translucence it makes a more than adequate substitute!  If anyone has a better idea I'll be keen to hear it.

17 comments:

  1. I really don't know what to say about this weird 21st C phenomenon. First we had people chucking buckets of ice cold water over themselves; now we have this.

    I am proud to say that neither fad will apply to Cro.

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    1. Perhaps you could paint some in at the top of your next artwork Cro?

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  2. I laughed out loud! You have brightened my day.

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  3. Ye gods……things I never knew eh ! And didn't want to!

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  4. I am rather partial to a Scotch egg!
    Arilx

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    1. I hope that I haven't put you off xx

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  5. Funny, so thankyou I guess. Safely now put in the cupboard labeled "Things I Don't Need To See Again".

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  6. I am wondering why? I imagine John Grey would think it a waste of scotch egg!

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    1. It wasn't wasted - just mult-purposed. x

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  7. Your comment to Cro made me laugh more than the photo's. The mind boggles. My husband said if he were to take a "nutscape "photo, he would need to grip the camera between his knees, lol. ( oh dear lets change the subject. )

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  8. I'm so pleased I've given everyone a laugh. It was what I intended xxx

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  9. Replies
    1. Thank you. I'm actually quite proud of it!!!

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  10. Replies
    1. I feel that it could add that extra 'Je ne sais quoi' to your next occupational therapy book Tore!

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