I treated myself to a very soggy, solitary stroll yesterday in the eery silence before a lunch, cooked for me by friends. In spite of the rain it was wonderful and I felt very blessed. I took in the views, spoke to the seabirds and sang the duet from the Pearl Fishers. I hope to God that the sound didn't travel because I was probably making a right racket.
I had an opportunity to reflect on the last year. There's been massive highlights: time spent living in my motorhome, a move into a wonderful house that is so exactly right for us it feels as if it was gifted, the brilliant US and Canadian holiday where I caught up with some of my dearest friends and built some very precious shared memories with my son. But on a day to day basis it's been hard. Work life was very much out of kilter and dominated much of my existence. Keeping up took over and sometimes I struggled to meet basic needs. There were days when I arrived home hungry but was so exhausted I was unable to feed myself so just collapsed in bed. Not good.
I confided in a friend that I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. Mainly I was talking from a career perspective but there's more to it than that. Questions around how, where and with whom I attain meaning were bugging me and I wasn't coming up with an action plan. The counsel that I got was very wise. Perhaps I don't have to strive but just need to sit back and see what comes to me for a change. Opportunities will arise if there's space for them to do so. I think it might be a question of letting Divine Purpose take over.
In doing a bit of research for this post I came across this very pertinent sermon from a Unitarian minister, Rick Hoyt entitled 'Making Space For Growth'. It really hits the spot. I've made good inroads in clearing space, at a physical level and beyond. Let's see what comes in to fill it!