Sunday, 3 January 2016

Too Fussy?




Backalong Kim Cattrall guest edited 'Woman's Hour. She described dating in her fifties and categorised men of a similar age into three  groups.  There are those already  in a relationship and then others who are either damaged or incredibly hurt.  Is she right?  As the eternal optimistic I  hope to God that she is not.

The online dating thing is a funny old business and I'm using it on my own terms, treating others as I want to be treated myself.   It's running in the background and I'm not trawling for men.  After all I believe in all that hippy shit that involves a bit of divine intervention.  What will be will be.  I'm just helping things along by opening a channel of communication.   There's no talking, or indeed winking at people who I have no interest in whatsoever.  It doesn't seem fair.   So, it's not going to happen with the 32 year old who's into wrestling and motorsport and seems as if he shares his house with half  a zoo,  even if he has just favourited me! If I start a conversation and then find I'm uncomfortable or  bored I say goodbye. I don't just bugger off unannounced.    I'm not rude or inconsiderate in real life and don't intend to start being like that in the virtual world either.

I've arranged to go for a coffee with someone next week  but it's not as it seems.  The bloke, with the dead normal profile, seemed depressed enough for me to have concerns for his wellbeing.   I'm meeting him to check out if my 'phone assessment' was correct and if needs be to encourage him to access mental health services.   It's not the romantic encounter that I envisaged.  'You don't have to do this, Joo' said one friend.  But one of my colleague who works with me agrees with my response. There's something about reaching out to fellow humans if it needs to happen. You can do this without getting over involved or feeling personally responsible.  I don't envisage being a therapist in my private life as well as for the day job.

Another friend, who will remain nameless, thinks that it could be a goer in relationship terms.    I was heartily told off for being picky when I expressed grave doubts.  I stand firm.   My life is too happy and fulfilled  to risk damaging it with an unwise hook up. And I have my son to think of.   There are consequences for him of having a mother in an unhappy relationship.   'Let the memories be good for those who stay' says the song that's been going around in my head.  It's another one of those with a windy theme.  This turbulent weather has a lot to answer for.   I'm totally convinced.  There is no such thing as being too fussy in this game. Fussy is good!

12 comments:

  1. The thought of having to start dating again at my age (having been married for 32 years) would scare me to death. You are brave.

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    1. You are right. Bravery comes into it! x

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  2. What would be ideal is for one of your pals to come up with a gent that they have known for years, and can guarantee his worthiness ! I presume if that was possible it would have already happened. My sis in law ( after a painful divorce and a long time on her own) eventually married a lovely man she had worked for when he was married. When she heard, some years later that his wife had died she sent him a card, and the rest is history, as they say.

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  3. I also think you are brave, but due to the work you do, you are also realistic and aware that there is always a lot which lies below the public faces of people. You are also showing compassion with this particular gent - whilst knowing you mustn't be drawn in.

    Sincerely hope that there is someone for you out there, yet to be met; but drawing closer!

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    1. Thanks for those kind thoughts Blossom x.

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  4. I believe in serendipity. Often the best things in my life have happened upon me rather than me going looking for them. You are right to be 'picky', although that term implies it's a negative thing which it isn't. I imagine it will be a lot harder later in life to find someone because you have lived, formed opinions, developed tastes - earlier in life these things are still a moveable feast, but that isn't to say that there aren't some wonderful men out there. It may take a while to sift through the chaff though! Good Luck :)

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    1. Ah serendipity. Such a good word and it describes exactly what I'm after in my life at the moment.x

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  5. I so would lije to introduce you to a handful of wonderful guys I know on this side of the ocean. I haven't figured out why a couple haven't recoupled-busy with work and coparenting I guess, same as you. Two others are newer to singlehood so need and want space. There must be similar guys there and when they surface they should only be so lucky to find you.

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    1. Now if only teleporting existed! x

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  6. I still think you should take a friend, or why not secretly place one (in advance) where you're going to meet. It would give you a good excuse, in case of emergency.

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