It seems a long time now since I felt persistently anxious, as if I were being stalked by a tiger, most of my waking hours. How did I ever think that was a normal state of affairs? Duh! Okay, I can't say I'm now Zen-like all the time. Sometimes I can have a bit of a stressy head on. But thank goodness cheeriness, wonder, calm and contentment seem to be the predominant features of my emotional landscape these days.
I'm current involved in making a major decision which I'll probably share here in the next few days. All seemed to be done and dusted but yesterday new information suddenly threw things up into the air. To my surprise it brought on a rush of anxiety, not a full blown panic attack but pretty close. There was a beating heart, nausea and that feeling of other worldliness that dissociation fromr reality brings. It all passed after a few minutes but left me thinking hard.
I already acknowledge that anger is sometimes a very appropriate emotion. Think Jesus turning temple tables. So why do I assign a blanket bad label to anxiety? Maybe when it is fleeting, and not being experienced as a chronic maladaptive mental state, it can act as a useful gauge? In the old days I had no idea why I was so mentally aroused but now it's different. I can unpick the thought processes associated with feelings. It turns out that, on this occasion, my reaction seems justifiable. Maybe anxiety can be linked to intuition if 'used' properly.
What finally happens at this time is now in the balance. It isn't just for me to decide. But my analysis of why I experienced a period of intense alarm has been thrown into the mix and is having some influence on what will eventually happen.