I can see it now. Friday night comes and those elegant cosmopolitan types head off to classy cocktail bars and posh restaurants to celebrate the start of the weekend. Me? I wander up to the Queen's Arms with 'My Boys' and 'My Other Boys' for the meat draw. It's a measure of just how glamorous my life can be.
As I've mentioned before my local is on CAMRA's radar and there's always a good ale or two to try. The bar staff let me 'try before I buy' in little sample glasses. I add a couple of tickets for the raffle to my order. Then I sit down with my beer and share a couple of big bags of crisps. And we yabber. Talk is often about the Baltic cruise that the boys are all going on next year. I'll join them if my business makes me my millions!
And then it's the meat draw. There's often sausages, bacon and eggs and a huge black pudding which people pose with for Carry On-esque selfies. Mr Metrosexual and Ruff Stu often seem to haul in something pork based. I never win. 'If I don't get anything tonight I'll take it as a sign from God that I'm supposed to go vegan.' I told the boys. The draw was announced and the first ticket was pulled. The prize went to the man that always wins something. He must buy a shedload each week. Then success! Sam the Beard and Nursey Mike were presented with a beautiful gammon. It seemed that a meat and dairy-free life was calling. I bemoaned the fact that I would soon be giving up cheese.
But right near the end of the draw my fortune changed and no dietary adjustments are necessary. Phew! I won a bounty, an odd combination of chicken and sausages. It looks like the bird has been disemboweled. I was going to get a roast out of the freezer as Louis is home and it's his favourite. It seems I don't have to now. I'll rustle up a toad in the hole and get some pastry for sausage rolls too Louis will be happy. He's very carnivorous. A meat feast beckons this weekend.